Last week I lamented a bit. I did the whole “Woe is me, I’m 23 and never been on a date.” thing. I really got bummed out. It did occur to me that I don’t go out nor see other people. Basically, I’m a social recluse. Mainly because I’m still unemployed and I can’t drive. Those things will make people look down at you, hence why I don’t go out. After receiving rejection emails or complete silence you start to send less CVs out because your CV starts to look like the rejection letter. Anyhow… this post is not just about me.
I’ve always had friends who were a bit older than myself. A trend I started in gr. 3, standard one or whatever you want to call it. This why it wasn’t strange for me, as a teenager, to have adult friends. Most of these friends are now either married or extremely single. Only a few guys, but the ladies outnumber them by far. No, they scarily outnumber them about 6:1. That’s excluding myself. Let’s be honest, I’m going to become a shoe lady. Not out of choice, but because life does that.
There’s nothing wrong with these women. They are not crazy, they are all extremely smart and they are wonderful. One of my friends that I’ve know the longest is turning 37, and I am amazed that she’s still single. Not out of choice, really not out of choice. My great friend is in her 30s as well and no one has given her a chance. I find this so sad, for them. I can hear when they get too lonely in their flats, crying tears that no one sees. Falling asleep and dreaming dreams that no one knows how much it hurt. They see other people fall in love, get married, maybe have children and be happy. They see their brothers and sisters getting married, that hurts more. They drink more bottles of wine at weddings and some of them reject invitations because showing up without a +1 is cruel.
These women have become the pillars that keep others going. They are the wise sages who dole out information at a whim. They become a great aunts and “adoptive” aunts. Some of them want to have children, some don’t want children out of wedlock. They are these great human beings that wish that they could one day be that other person, but realises that they won’t. This hurts.
However, these strong women are always made fun of. They are the old maids, the rejected ones, the ugly ones, the crazy ones, the unlikeables. Just because a film or a book said so. Society has decided that they should not stand a chance, they should be ridiculed for who they are. These women are reduced to nothing, but guess what, they feel it. They feel every single stab at them. We dehumanise humanity, that we think people are cold robots. Each and every time my heart breaks over and over for them. Because they deserve more. They deserve the world twice over.
They have never had a first kiss, never had someone make them feel like a million bucks, no one to go things through. I know that they want to do all of this, because one knows their friends. They never had cuddles or any spontaneity of what a relationship brings. You might counter this with heartbreak and suffering. It might be the only blessing in disguise, but these women would like the whole package to make sure they know how it is to fit in to humanity.
I would like to blame it on never dating in high school because I was too weird. But my biggest flaw has to be not telling anyone on how I feel. I get panic attacks, so I doubt that I will ever tell someone. Also, shoes won’t eat you when you’re dead. But those ladies, the wonderful ones., the ones who make food and keep intelligent conversation will always be overlooked. They are not old maids, they are not unlikeable. Sometimes they just build hard shells around them because that is what society expects and they deliver. But this makes them so susceptible to accept any form of love, which includes people who takes advantage of them and especially their bank account.
I wish daily to see or hear from them that they have found someone. My best friend is getting married next year and I am ecstatic, no one deserves it more than her. That’s how I feel like for each and everyone of those ladies. They deserve it. They don’t deserve lonely nights, staring at the ceiling thinking that they are stupid for wanting someone or wanting to build a family. They don’t deserve a cold home, they don’t deserve meals made in the microwave for one, because it’s a waste to just make for yourself.
Sure, they are independent, but they don’t carry it around as a shield. They welcome love, they welcome change, but the world doesn’t like this. Buildings have doors, knock on it and see what happens. They might be sceptical, but trying won’t hurt or it won’t hurt for too long.
Dear single friends. I love you in my weird way. I hope you can find that love that fills your heart. If not, well we’ll still have all the books and all the romcoms to make us feel all woozy about. We still have our weird crushes and the silence of who we really like. Embrace it, but just know that I know you deserve what you want.